December 04, 2003
noctambulist [luxation]

i am falling in circles.
it is a constant repetition of absolutely nothing.
it is an influx of critical garbage which serves no other purpose than to bury me. festering. flattening beneath unknown tons of invisable sludge. suffocating. choking. crushed.

something is eating. me. alive.

gnawing at the little silly strings and pieces of scotch tape which i've fought to keep holding me together for years. one by one i can feel the tension growing as there are fewer connections. whatever walls i've built crumble. some essential part has fluttered away in the last toxic breeze.
lost.
sorry, mate.

it's a disconnection that's getting to me.

have you ever had that feeling? it's right at the base of your skull. close your eyes and you can feel it crawling. tickling with tiny nails some nerved harp and casting dischordant melodies into the darkness. it makes your heart quiver. it makes your lungs freeze. adrenaline crackles. something has you held by the meekest thread and is just about to let go.
let you fall right. off. that. cliff.

but into what?

it wouldn't be that bad if i knew. but that would be too bloody easy, wouldn't it. somethign i can't quite put my finger on is pestering the shit out of me and slips away right before i can turn around and strangle it.

it feels like a bad switch coming on.
someone's about to take the helm uninvited.
the calm before the storm that signifies something monumental is about to happen - and it's the last thing on earth you want to. tension rises. apprehension becomes king. paranoia begets seditious children of mistrust and dispair. and they gather round the obsidian altar, voices raised in cacophanous chorus to roar their sacrifice to the heavens all too far above. some chernobog suddenly melting out of the starlit sky: wings unfurled, maw gaping, furtid breath sweeping across the plains acid rain followed by brimstone's raging fires.

if only it would be so easy to cleanse this faceless pain and rise again from the ashes. refreshed. repaired. reborn. taped back together with a plastic smile.

Posted by Wolf at December 04, 2003 07:59 PM
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