Strange dream last night, or, this morning around 9am or so.
Watched a woman get an abortion, she looked strangely like Jodie Foster. This was a movie and I was the camera, always changing shot angles. Now driving home, am all of a sudden at the end of a dirt road. Car is an old ford truck, 50 something, faded dark green. Not OD green, though, less yellow, more blue. Green gate at the end of the road, up a hill. Follow Jodie Foster wannabe up the hill at a dead run. Suddenly get the thought "You should not be exerting yourself so soon after an abortion!" (know someone that got one, bedrest is vital). Come upon Uncle who is decked out in fishing gear.... waders, kakhi overalls, white floppy hat, flannel with sleeves rolled up, the works. He is flyfishing at the edge of this lake (lake on left, house to the right). Insteaed of fly, he has a small shark on the end of the line. This is the bait. It's dead. Strung on the line purposely. He's continuing to cast it, can't get it to swim, he says. So I take the line (now in the woman's body, but not Jodie Foster anymore, am myself, but a woman) and walk along the lake's edge.... it now has a concrete ledge like the side of a pool.... an lead the shark, making it look like it swims. Even make it turn a few times, quite natural looking. Once time, when turning away, the Uncle is satisfied with this, and tries to trip me into the water. I rage. Turn around, fur exploding everwhere werewolf type of RAGE!!!!! Growling, snarling, grab the guy and slam him against the ground about to rip his guts out rage. Someone is coming. Get up.... run. Not sure if I'm male or female anymore....
Make. Sense. Of. That.
My apologies to Jodie Foster if there is any offense.
Session went...... well, I guess. Very disturbing things brought up because of the whole self-portrait fiasco. Not disturbing, but rather things that have been accepted by others but not necessarily liked. If that makes any sense.
Spazzboy drew some.... was going to do an exercise in therapy about letting us all draw ourselves, but it began going downhill, so we called a stop to it. He just drew an image of me...... couldn't decide who or what at first, so I said go ahead and draw me...... I don't mind.... so he did. It's hard for the others to concrete themselves on paper. It's hard to see that some will never be able to be what they think they are. They will always be trapped in a body that isn't theirs.
Can deal with it when it's not thought about, but hard to focus on it. Depressing. Saddening. Maddening. The self portrait brought it right back out into screaming nakedness.
Talked some of the fight yesterday..... how the current living arrangements are stressing everybody out. Just covering shit that we deal with every damned day. Revamped why several in here HATE hugs and think they're condescending. No matter how many times you say "bless your heart" or hug or say it'll be okay, you can always go back to your life.... we have to stay in this one, we have to deal with this shit, and it's not going to be allright. It's not going to be that easy.
Didn't get anywhere new, though. Sort've muddled around in the same area. But covered some things that needed to be said. Was nice to get some art inbetween that painting and now. Helping us move on.
Your dreams are always very intriguing to me.
I'd love to see some of your artwork sometime. ;o)
I hope things with C get better soon. I'm glad to hear that you're at least talking about it. [Mirror_rorriM]