Uh, may I ask who's calling?

"Sure.... this is Andrew..... Andrew from Canada"

Well, Andrew from Canada, she's not in, can I take a message from you?

"Can we pretend?"

Hm?

"Can we pretend you're Mrs. B_______? So I can give my salespitch to you and not have to repeat it to her later?"

Uh, no, I don't look good in drag.

"But I'm from Canada! Doesn't that make a difference?"

Not really, though I do appreciate the long distance try.

"You're bitter about the hockey game, aren't you?"

No..... I rather like hockey, no matter who wins.

"Oh, well that's good then. This was just about us wanting to send her to Palm Springs, to our resort out there, and I guess Palm Springs just isn't for her."

No, not particularly, I'm not sure if she's ever been to Palm Springs.

"What about a blender?"

*pause*

"Oh, got you thinking about it, didn't I?"

Well sure man, everyone needs a new blender. Do you know how long it's been since I've had a good blended drink?

"Too bad we aren't selling them, else I'd've had you"

Don'tcha know...... too bad mate.

"What kind of toaster do you have?"

Well, I don't have a toaster, why, did you have something in mind?

"Shooore, it's not only a toaster, but you can iron your clothes with it."

Really? Why that's fantastic! I must see the infomercial!

"No, not really.... That would be pretty cool, wouldn't it? Maybe I should design that....."

Sure would get you out of telemarketing and having people hang up on you.... then you'd get on TV and could smile your way into people's hearts rather than try to simply talk them into things. Course, you do know there will be someone like me out there, wondering what happens if you iron the crumbs into your clothes.... then some idiot is going to try to do both at once and set the clothes on fire.

"Good point..... but hey, wouldn't have to buy cologne anymore, either. Just toss some french bread into it when you're ironing....."

Exaaactly, man, maybe you should try this... good for a laugh anyway.

"Or at least become a comedian......"

Yep, had me laughing quite a bit there.

"Well, I'll think about it. You tell everybody there that Canada says hi."