Bipolar I - 2/18/2002

It's been an...... interesting past week.

Bipolar.

Today marks the end of overlap week. The classes of the first session of the quarter are in finals. The classes of the second session of the quarter are just beginning. It is an insanely hellish week with twice the amount of work. And what's stranger is that the first week of any class happens to have the most work of any other week. Why the administration continues to do this to students is beyond me. I guess it's to help us learn how to handle multiple projects at once, under pressure, without losing our minds.

I've felt capable of accomplishing all, and turned in some damn good work...... but it's been an emotional rollercoaster.

02.11.02 - Monday - Had to work the holiday, no biggie, got extra pay for it. However, with one keeper calling in sick and leaving me alone with V (read last entry) the day was just physically painful. Talked to C, and ends up she and little brother and a couple of little bro's friends were going to clean up a bottle of whiskey...... she wanted to know if I minded.... it was sweet really. But I DID mind. I wasn't there. I wondered why I wasn't. After the day I had I wanted to be. C mentioned a hot little blond that was going to show up, that had interest in me it seemed....... I said give me an hour to finish up this homework and I'll be there..... I NEEDED a night to just relax. I got pressing homework out of the way and went up to C's parents place. By the time I got there, the blond (Y <- finally, a unique name letter, not another damned C *chuckles*) had arrived and my bro had gotten him QUITE drunk. I had a 1 liter coke with me and Y commented that's the biggest he'd ever seen. Well, I couldn't help but offer and ask "Wanna play with it?" just to make him blush *chuckles* God he was cute..... I didn't push, though, he was way drunk, and I just wanted to let him know I was interested but not about to take advantage. He's still shakey about realizing this supposed crush that's been on me for *thinks* 4 or 5 years now...... plus he's only 19 or 20....

What's with me and the younguns? K was only 19....... man I miss K......

Y lit up, too, when C and I confirmed we were moving into the area, and would be able to hang out more. I had taken up my latest sketch pad, too, and he really liked looking through it with my bro. Also seemed elated when he and C were in a sorta private conversation and C mentioned no care if I fooled around with same sex.....

So.... it's hopeful...... Y is really really really cute......

And little bro got a PS2 for a late Christmas present...... so gave me his DVD player. I FINALLY have one now... I can FINALLY watch my DVD's (have over 20 *laughs*) someplace other than my computer. Which is cool, mind you, but very uncomforable to sit and relax with pals and surround the computer to watch....yknow? I thought that very cool of him.

02.12.02 - Tuesday - I honestly remember little about Tuesday other than I came back home......

02.13.02 - Wednesday - did not go to session. Now, knowing how much we tend to look foreward to it, it was a hard decision to make. But things have been slightly unstable lately. Over the past two weeks manic depressive is about the best way to describe all of us. There's an impending doom hanging over our heads. It's most about what's going to come out. Namely a name that goes along with the dark shadow that lurks at the back of our memories.... the dark shadow that stands silhouetted in the doorway. With finals going on...... I couldn't figure the cost of that possible breakdown into the equation and still come out on top. This week will be different.... less to worry about with school, so can concentrate more on us again.

I felt very down.... quiet..... small. If I didn't have the amount of work to do I probably would have just stayed in bed the entire day and been just find with it. Didn't even go outside to get mail.

02.14.02 - Thursday - bought C a heart shaped pizza... it was a present combined from us... me, Asshole, spazzboy, Bitch...... figured we coudln't go wrong with a pizza. C returned the favor superbly, too. Asked me what we wanted, and I just rocketed back "CANDY!" because when in that bipolar mood chocolate cravings abound (and, normally, we rarely eat chocolate). So, with much relief, C planned the sweetest thing I've ever seen *chuckles* While I was killing myself getting homework out of the way after dinner so we could at least spend some time together, made a HUGE heart on the bed from a 24 pack of coke. Then, in 3 BAGS WORTH of Hershey's kisses, hugs, and almond candies, spelled out "Happy Valentine's Day" for me. THREE FUCKING BAGS WORTH. I now have more candy than I know what to do with *laughing* Spent the rest of the night watching porn and rolling around on the bed in proper V-Day fashion until around 4 o'clock in the morning.

02.15.02 - Friday - Again, most of the day I don't remember. But found out a friend from high school (of whom we spent New Year's Eve with) has been activated (luckily, he's Air Force, and simply flies cargo planes, but still). His unit is going overseas sooner than any of us would like to think. His fiance had set up a surprise party for him on Saturday (as in the 16th) but I wasn't planning on being able to make it because both C and I had to work on Saturday/night. So we were gonna make it down on our next day off to go hang out. Well, the birthday party was turning into a going away party...... needless to say I called my boss and begged to work a half day so we could drive down to LA in the afternoon to make the evening party, I'd be back on Sunday. I stayed up until 4ish am getting all the homework for the weekend done and over with so I could be out of town and not worry.

(cont'd)