guy, interrupted - 1/30/2002

Okay, maybe it should be guy sleep interrupted.

Since Friday I've had a total of 18 hours of sleep.

4 hours Friday night cause I was up late spending time with C and working on some school stuff, had to haul myself out of bed and truck to work at 8, no biggie, I could sleep the next night.

4 hours Saturday night because I did most of a painting assignment in one sitting after killing myself at work. So much for sleep. Plus C stuck around and didn't leave for her work that night because she was sick. Far be it from me to neglect and let her misery be unaccompanied.

4 hours Monday early afternoon, 12-3something. Yes, after a typical Sunday at work, no mayhem, but it was pouring all day. Didn't make for a fun day. C left for work Sunday night after we watched the first part of Rose Red. Then somehow, even though I was falling alseep -at- work I was so wasted, I stayed up all night playing with D in that VERY interesting scene I had mentioned in my delerium..... earlier...... And, even after this few hour nap, was up by 330 on Monday and went to go start my rabies series ((yes, MM, work -should- pay for it, but the budget has been tight so they couldn't dish out $500 a pop up until just now, so everyone that hasn't had them is now getting them)).... and stayed up for well over the next 24 hours. Yes, I know that's confusing...... even I'm not sure what I did on what day.

3 hours Tuesday afternoon/evening. Yep, that whole 24+ hour stretch brought us to Tuesday night. Had missed QAF on Sunday because of Rose Red, and thought that the third part of Rose Red was Tuesday night, and would finish just in time for QAF and so had intended a 4-830 or so nap on Tuesday afternoon then a few hours TV then sleep again. Took me a while to get everybody calmed down enough to sleep and ended up with 3 hours. Woke up fucking bright eyed and bushy tailed and scared the hell out of myself..... I shoulda been a zombie. I think it was mostly influence from one of DS' Riders that came down for a visit..... he tends to be kind've perky. Even Spazzboy figured he wanted to go back to sleep but was wiiiiiide awake.

Anyway, didn't pay enough attention and Rose Red wasn't on, so could've slept a little longer (well, could have, would have is another story). But, after so little sleep I was up again until nearly 5 am both playing, working, and talking to DS (D was physically unglued from the happy seat by his girl almost two hours earlier as because when he left, it would put him back on his normal sleeping schedule for work and whatnot).

3 hours Wednesday morning. I had planned on more, but girl,interrupted came on and I had been interested in watching that and soon as we realized it was just starting as we were turning on the tv (the only way to sleep nights alone is to have the tv on in the background, the soft lull of voices and whatnot..... found sometimes it just has to be -on- without even the cablebox running to work, too) and EVERYBODY basically woke up. Lots of reasons to watch the movie. So, hence the entry title. Passed out right after, but had to wake up at 10 in order to take mom to the Doc's for something (she wouldn't have been able to drive home, whole eyes dilated thing). I'm not sure if passing out in the car for an hour while she was inside counts as true sleep.

Had this weird dream though, while in the car. I don't remember the true order of things, I dont think...

Having to maneuver a VW van into the downtown AMPM on the way to work to get gas. Strange because I've never even been up close to a VW van before, much less IN one that I can remember.

Succeeding in this, and driving off.

Going to visit D and his girl L. It was snowing, deeply, but they lived in town (woot!) so it woudln't be that bad. Whilst riding a ski-chair-lift through this fast little slollom of a public transportation system (VW vans just must not like the snow) I saw this skier going down a mountain where there should have been a lake on the road (this was a road really -in- town, though not situated in the part of town that it was in the dream, but in reality it runs by a manmade lake, anyway) jumped off the ski-lift and ran down the street, through the snow, to swoop around the block again and make it to D's place. D and L, unfortunately, did not get the kid. What kid, I do not know, but the Snake Office said they couldn't have it, but it would have been really convenient because it was just down the street a few blocks and would have been convenient for doctors visits and whatnot. By the way, Happy Birthday Bra.

Snake Office? Kids? The birthday I understand, it's going to be D's in about two weeks..... DS's in three..... but not mine until May, and it was said from him to me *shakes head* Strange, I tellya..

I don't know if it's from the rabies vax. You're supposed to have some wacky side effects, but that's normally physically.... I don't quite understand how sore muscles, joints, and other physical reactions would spur such insanity in the dreams. Actually, I'm sure it all can manifest, so nevermind that. And I would guess blaming the vax reactions making us uncomfortable enough not to sleep.... because I don't understand functioning on so little sleep. I used to be able to do that when I was in college as a freshman.... even through my junior year. My senior year? Had to stop... it was catching up with me. I couldn't survive on 2 or so hours of sleep a night during the week and sleep the weekends, I just couldn't anymore. Seems I'm beginning to do it again.

This C not being here at night business is beginning to really start fucking with things......

But exhaustion should have kicked in by now.

I wish it was as easy in the movie. Just.... "go take a rest." If I was 18, like her, I could probably get away with it. But now? Ohh no, that would put me so far in the financial hole it wouldn't even be funny. I've barely started really REALLY getting onto my own feet..... it was always shakey before and this is looking solid. It's never been just solely me, I've always found a way to wrangle someone into giving me money, for whatever reason, since I was 18. I can't do it anymore. (Well, -could- but won't)

Took me bloody long enough but it's working.

Going away? Not an option.

*sighs* Though it might be. With the dreams lately, and the Littlest Guy showing up (and becoming more and more noticeable)...... when I told C of him, she just..... *shakes head, sighing* She knows something is building. _I_ know something is building, it's waiting to happen. She has a feeling that it's going to be far worse than we expected before.... I may just have to "go rest" for awhile when that time comes...... the way things are looking to act out is becoming more and more dangerous.....

fuck...Fuck...FUCK..... (<-- a perfect summarizing illustration provided in another diary, which I will repeat here, you know who you are, thank you for observing that and recording it, it really fits, and blue cookies sounds really good about now)

I can't afford this, in any way shape or form.

I may have to find a way to.