*deer caught in headlights look* - 10/26/2000

I'm happy. I splurged today *chuckles* Went to petsmart to buy some stuff for my chinchilla. Wandered through the aisles and could NOT resist heading to the collar section. I've found that the ones you get at the petstore not only cost the same (if not less) as the ones you'll find in most fetish, etc stores BUT they are much much stronger. And, as far as mass production goes, better made, too. It's SO hard to find double stitched leather sometimes *sighs* And unless you're looking for specific decoration or rings, you'll find the same stuff. But I digress.... ended up coming home with a narrow spiked one which will fit both C and I, and this rolled leather one which is just buttery soft.... and strong as all hell..... was tempted by the 2" thick double row of spikes BEEEG DAWG leather ones, but, I didn't have the extra 45+ to spend, oh well. I'm still thoroughly pleased.... and C loves them too *smiles*

Tomorrow! Will be an adventure. I am heading back down to LA..... alone..... to take K for a day in Hollywood. How K talks me into these shopping trips I do not know. I wanted to get some new stuff anyway, and have some money from Mom that I can stick on the credit card and she'll pay off as a present. I thought that was fabulous *smile*

It's just me.... and K..... and a little town (where the streets sparkle!) that accepts everything.

I'm looking foreward to this, yet intimidated by it at the same time. Yea, I've spent the day with K before (shopping, ironically) and it wasn't all that bad...... we set off for the day having awoken from a nice cuddling session *fond smile*

This time.... I'm driving down to pick up K..... may have to fend off C2 from coming with us (hopefully I did that last night via our ICQ convo)...... have the day to remember my way around Hollywood (as I haven't been there for about a year now, maybe more), then come back.... and then K and I are going to the big campus Halloween Party.... C2 in tow..... and I'm supposed to be spending the night in K's room, who's roommate will be there (the SCOUT from hell), hosting a prospect of all things....... I"m sharing the big bed with K, for practicalities purpose, of course *smug grin* so the prospect can have the extra mattress which is all the room the floor has for.... but this should be intersting

As K's roommate (another C, so I'll stick with "roomie" for a name, thank you *L*) is, well, as I said, a SCOUT. Even normal affection, between hetero couples, will make the roomie stare at the computer and pretend whomever's doing it doesn't exist. Or even leaves, hurriedly. We've been trying to figure a way to get the roomie to move out, as roomie and K are polar opposites. As I said, this should be very interesting....

I think the reason I'm so worried about this is K and I had a long talk last night...... sort've discussing where we were headed in our relationship. Was I a fling? I would like more than that, please. But if I get that..... well.... I'm a jealous lover, and won't allow as much play as K has now. Will we stay monogamous fuckbuddies (as I won't make K forgo having a relationship with somebody that will breed happiness and a family, but I want K as mine til then, and I have C as well for a strong steady hetero thing)? So of course this leads to K's relationship with C2. How serious is that going to get? C2 is still at the "just buddies, but you can do what you want" stage.... so C2 says. But C2 will also not stand up to K. C2 is also so dense that when K had a talk with C2 last night (re: the conversation between K and I).... it was the first time C2 really realized what K and I had going on. So far it's "between you and [me]"...... and suppsedly doesn't care.

Is there truth there? Or is C2 just saying whatever K wants to hear in order to not make K angry.... neither of us knew, and I don't know C2 quite well enough to call it.

So the solution? K suggested I have a talk with C2. Expressing my feelings, etc.

While I'm willing to do this, and know it has to be done, I'm still skittish. Nervous as all hell.

For all extensive purposes.... I'm coming out for the first time. It's not the big "I'M GAY!" banner that I will be flying.... but it's close enough. I AM gay..... also straight. 31 flavors anyone? *shakes head*

Everywhere else it's been pretty nonchalant. I've been included in the group, gone along with it, submitted to it on tequila dreams *drool* or been basically in private with the person so there were no questions asked , whatever. Here is the first time I will be sitting someone I barely know down with a "Guess what? I'm bi" sentence leaving my mouth. Then continuing to discuss, hopefully in an adult manner (I specified no alcohol was going to be consumed before this little talk, we shall celebrate whatever outcome there is by getting plastered, hopefully all remaining on good terms throughout), my intense feelings for K..... oh, yes, that would be the person you're dating.

I'm figuring the conversation will flow as it will.... but I can't help the apprehension.

I think, for now.... I will content myself with daydreaming of tomorrow night (C knowing this and chuckling)..... and being on a dance floor in very close contact with K.... clad in boots, vinyl pants that leave little to the imagination, 4" (custom made even!) devil's horns, my fangs..... oh.... and whichever collar K picks for me to wear *smiles, nah, melts... definitely melts*