Oh, two days in a row (gasp!)

Was reading through my notes and the one Mirror_rirroM left yesterday struck a chord..... well, maybe that's not the right phrase, but it definitely caught my attention (other than the fact I feel loved that someone takes the time to leave constructive notes to each entry *smiles* thank you):

You say no one would have to "hide" anymore...but don't you think that skill would actually allow you to hide? If you didn't want to take responsibility for something you'd done, just change to someone else. [Mirror_rorriM]

Sure, part of that's my point. I could hide. Of, moreso, I could step back and say "here, this is the person you've been dealing with, here's what they look like, it's them, not me, enjoy" and go take a 15 minute break, or whatever. They woudln't have to hide anymore. They could own up and take responsiblity for their desires. They want to. Hell, couple of 'em could go to Disneyland and act like kids...... without some people in the crowd wondering "why is that guy, clearly without kids of his own, running through the fountain with my child?" That's kind've a sick accusation when you think about it, y'know? I could let me inner child go wreak havoc on that fountain, and not have a mom worry if I'm reeally some weirdo about to run off with her child or just some guy who never grew up - I'd just be another kid out havin fun.

Would I hidef rom the world or responsibility? Sure, the temptation's there allright. Hiding from the world..? Oh yea..... I'm TIRED *laughs* It's a fulltime circus up here *taps head* I'm the ringmaster and clown rolled up into one, don't know if I"m coming or going half the time. I'm the proverbial dad who's one of the delinquents hmself. I'd love a vacation. Or at least the ability to let someone else drive for a while and not worry about them crashing or getting lost.

And I"m sure that made no sense to anyone that doesn't know.....

Probably. The responsiblity part, though..... we'd all own up. Sounds like a line of crap, but we would. It's this lovely little disease called a conscience with a good dose of guilt for garnish. If I was given the knowledge of something that would be so precious to me, I'd fess up to anything I did for fear of the gift being taken away if I didn't. Everyone would.

Whoops, that turned into a rant...... eh.....

Just not with it today. My aunt passed away yesterday morning, and it might finally be hitting me. Sure, we weren't the closest of people, but we weren't mortal enemies either. Just the type of person you see every once in a while and all is cool. Dammit I liked her too. *sighs* She's not in pain any longer (has battled cancer for years, and it killed my other aunt about two years ago, same month, ironically), and it was very quick when the time came. I'm not devastated.... just...... somber...... distracted...... it's frustrating because I know I'll have to see my family this weekend, and they will be devastated. Everybody mourns intheir own way, greif affects us all differently..... but I prefer quiet sadness to hysterical scenes, heartbreaking nostalgia to wailing.... I'd rather cherish her memory than have a screaming fit that there won't be any new ones....... I'll be walking into a madhouse wanting to support yet I won't even be able to think straight because of the noise and short tempers *sighs* But hey..... family is family. I will be there for my family.

My mom's the last of the three sisters.......

September...... five birthdays, one anniversary, and, in the last three years, *thinks* B, R, M, J, J, D, U..... seven deaths?

Two of those deaths are also two of those birthdays.

Scarey thought....

Can we move on to October now? *gazes forlornly at the two calendar pages left before that happens*